ive done this one before but im gonna do it again :)

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next
button to get your answer.
3. You must write that title of that
song down no matter how silly it
sounds!

If someone says ''is this okay?'' you
say?
never again

What would best describe your
personality?
DANGEROUS GAME HAHA.

What do you like in a guy/girl?
grillz HAHA maybeeeee

How do you feel today?
i (she) moves in my (her) own way.

What is your life's purpose?
home. AWW (:

What is your motto?
who need the world. WAAAA hahaa

What do your friends think of you?
bouce?

What do you think of your parents?
nothing precious at all. nono i dont! hahaha

What do you think about very often?
the way you do me AHHAHA RIGHT.

What do you think of your besties?
only in dreams. na i think of em all the timee (:

What do you think of the person you
like/love?
please stay :(

What do you want to be when you grow
up?
ROCKSTAR. hahahahaha

What do you think when you see the
person you like/love?
light your ass on fire! hahahaha

What do your parents think of you?
starss (:

What will you dance to at your
wedding?
KISS THE GIRL. im getting the fairytale wedding afterall hahaha (:

What will they play at your funeral?
TURN IT UP.

What is your hobby/interest?
take control!

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
baby boy. make it baby BOYS hahahaha hell on earth! oops. hahaha

What do you think of your friends?
baby i love youu!

What song will be the subject when you
repost?
ROCK DEEJAYYY

10:14 AM;

hey you,
im glad you came down today. even though you said i looked terribly undatable (okay minus the terribly), called me pimply (urgh) and stopped me from studying, im glad you came down today. i think i really needed it. sorry i called you smelly (:

9:00 PM;

i read hod today. im almost done. you know its amazing, how some of the quotes in there resonate within you. honestly i think this holiday has been the worst ever. dont think ive ever felt so much and so little at the same time. you know youve really hit the extreme when you know almost every staff in starbucks and one of em buys you coffee out of pity. yeah heart of darkness does that to you. gives you a little frown right there. id like to think myself as being very gradually consumed by it but no i dont think i am. see it wont consume the very self-righteous and the very foolish. i think belong to the latter -- the very foolish. but i am starting to see the complexities of situations and the gravity of consequences. im starting to get a lot more conscious of whats going on around me, i just choose to detach myself from them. sometimes playing the fool helps you get through situations, albeit at the expense of peoples perception of you. then again, i dont think i really give a damn. then again, maybe not. sometimes i wish people get what im trying to say. even though i hardly even know what im saying. i think what i really needed then was a hug and a shoulder to lie on. i wished you were there but i couldnt even being to imagine you there so i didnt bother. i used the bear instead. im actually quite proud of myself. i didnt do it. it was tempting. it really was. but i didnt. its the consequences. it gets you through the moment but not what comes after. i guess this is what the policeman does. what restraint does. it helps you control yourself? i hope im headed in the right direction for the book. the policeman-butcher thing didnt make sense last year. it made a little sense today. they arent always pleasant, especially that episode in march. but theyre memories nonetheless. they invoke similar, albeit way less intense, emotions. im glad we made it through. im glad things are a lot better now. but i know the disappointment is there. you didnt get what you wanted from me but im still not sorry.
the inner truth is hidden - luckily, luckily. but i felt it all the samel i felt often its mysterious stillness watching me at my monkey tricks; and indeed what does the price matter, if the trick be well done? you do your tricks very well.
shoot me shoot me. im going to regret this. i know im going to look back and regret it.
20 weeks more and its over. ___ weeks more and it'll really be over.
im going to regret this. take a knife, stab me and stab me again. argh. shit shit. :(

10:26 PM;

today it crossed my mind again, what is wrong with me, seriously. i should just shoot myself and die. its the same mistake all over again and the outcome is gonna be the same, maybe intensified by over a gazillion times. shoot me. its not like im ever gonna change, at least for the now i cant. its not the first time already. and each time makes me more guilty than the last. i want to feel that semse of satisfaction, sense of uncertainty, sense of achievement, sense of belonging. but its gone. i cant. not anymore. i cant , no matter how much im gonna wish hope beg pray and god knows waht for it. its gone and maybe it was my fault all along. but i wouldnt have done it any other way.

1:12 AM;

hehee chilli whore.
i cooked the pasta again! upped the no. of chillis too hahaha DAMN HOT but damnnn nice (:
ytd was a disgusting chem day. yeahh. hahahaa
today is.. im not gonna do anything day! I WANNA GO SHOPPING later tonight. (: NUM! QUEENS COUTURE. yeah i need shirts. besides, ive been deprived for farrr tooooo longgggg. cant rmbr the last time i shopped. argh. what else should i get.
ERRR
shirts. bags? SHOES. makeup?
i think ill just see when i get to town. i have a feeling 2 hrs is not enough. but i think ill go totally broke too quickly if i go early. argh slap meee.
i need shoes. yeah daphne has no more nice new shoes. they are all nice old ones HAHAHA.

ohh f.y.i, for all you people who HAVENT seen me since the pre rev test. my purple nails are gone. i paintd them pink for a while. now im gonna cut em short cos i cant write with long nails. i think im not gonna paint alr. im lazyy. unless someone wants to volunteer to do em FOR me. haha (:

anyone?

3:39 PM;

piggie piggie pig pig!
today i cooked the perfect arrabiata pasta for lunch. damn im good (: i swear, when i study at home i eat too much. i ate pasta for lunch. kill me now :( then i went to sleep. i was sleepy cos.. carbo and no coffee. shush. haha anyways i had 4 chilli padis and lots of mushroom and some meat in it. yumm hahahaha my maid didnt like it i think, she didnt like the chilli. wth i think i shouldve added more, the chilli taste wasnt like overwhelming.
oh well, ahhaa i liked it anyways. (:

7:35 PM;

i'd say, when you really need sth but have virtually 0 means of getting it, this is what happens. youd sit there, thinking of what youve done and what you havent, both equally significant, your heart races and. i know its still really early, but thats just it. it is too early so there are roll over effects. i have chemistry tuition later. argh. i dont understand why it has to be at 3. its in the middle of the fucking day. means, i cant and i wont leave the house to get my caramel macchiato. fuck. i think im addicted to it. no, i think im addicted to coffee. yesterday mum offered, again, to top up my nets. and its not for shopping. its to finance my coffee addicted. fuck fuck fuck. i hate being addicted to coffee. (and no i was not referring to coffee in the first line)
i need coffee and im not even sleepy. thats just it. i need it to satisfy a psychological want. i dont need it to function. i should think myself perfectly capable of getting through the day with 0 caffeine in my blood. but bloody hell. i dont want to. i want my coffee, NOW.
contrary to what it seems, i dont drink coffeee like a mad woman. no, i dont down 6 cups of coffee a day liek some fanatics out there (ie. my mum, i really think its genetic) i have about 2 -3 cups of starbucks a day. i just vary the espresso shots.
fuck i think im going mad. today is not a good day. math and chem tuition, no starbucks, no coffee bean, no.. fuck, forget it. i think i will go down to get my coffee tonight.
this post was just a bloody waste of my time and yours HAHA oops.

11:34 AM;

i met kevin on friday! after my study session, i went down to PARKWAY. super far i swear. anyways, it was nice seeing him again. really missed him when he left weiqi and me for cosi lah :(
since the rest couldnt make it, it was just him and me! ie. lots of cam whoring.
its damn sad, he nver meets weiqi and me, its always just him and me or weiqi and him or weiqi and me. oh well. we should meet up soon you two! (:
kevin i want to claim our presents haha you owe us plenty plenty! hehe.
oc4 and prisonbreak2 AND DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES dates please OKOK? setsetset haha yay!
(yeah im excited. shh)
okay brace yourselves! photo galore! (kevin get the photos here. unless you want the full sized ones..then come over with ur external hard drive haha im not gonna get all to you)


























i swear, no one brings out the ah lian side of me as well as he does. maybe because hes as much of an ah lian as me HAHA. kevin you trannie. okay i didnt mean that.
friday was a feel good day. kevin really works wonders i swear haha we did loads of catching up though i think i was the one who complained more, about everything and anything hahaha.

12:13 AM;

i)List 10 things you want to say to people but know you never will
ii) Don't say who they are

:)


1. i'm sorry i've been such a bitch of late. i really love yall a lot and i'd probably do anything for yall. but i dont understand why we cant communicate like other people do, they seem so happy and i really want to be like them. soemhow we just cant.

2. why do you always have to put up such a strong front. maybe we could get past the superficial and really get to know each other once again? its been so many years, i really want things to be the way they were before we got separated. i should've paid attention to you, its probably my fault but maybe we could try again? anyways, im glad we're closer now. its just not good enough.

3. you know sometimes i really mean what i say. i dont see why its so hard to tell when. please dont think i have the solutions to all your problems, dont get so reliant on me cos ill end up disappointing. this i know for sure. i didnt want it to turn out like this, it just did. and it sucks that im gonna have to break the news to you one day, i hope what im feeling is temporary, maybe ill get more confidence one day. if its not soon enough, im sorry. we've had better days.

4. you know i really enjoyed my time with you, it was a blast. sucks you had to go. i had my regrets and i hope you had yours too. i think we couldve tried a lot more before you left, we couldve handled it so much better. had i been a little more mature and you a little less secretive. i think you killed that last hope i had in those kind of friendships. i havent been able to connect with anyone in that way since. i really loved you, still do and probably always will. too bad you dont exist anymore. sucks that i dont either. i guess we'll just have to lock and bury those days in our memories, maybe we should throw the key away. cos i dont want to repeat it, ever.

5. you know these things arent anything big. they dont mean anything, at least to me. i dont see why yall have to make such a big deal out of them. im getting a little tired of feeling embarrassed cos yall blow it totally out of proportion. and yes i lied.

6. sometimes i think youre quite stupid. sorry.

7. thanks for being such a great friend (:

8. i dont see why you say we're close. we hardly know each other. i hate being the back-up plan

9. we could start over but i dont think i'd want to, not with you. its not like we had anything to start off with but i dont think i even want to know you. youre such a bitch.

10. i'm glad we cleared things up.


i realised its kind of general. yes i have a problem with saying sorry, showing appreciation and takling about my feelings. im like a guy. maybe thats why im attracted to cryptic enries.

yeah i updated it. did it in a hurry ytd.

12:14 AM;

fuck it

11:13 PM;

i dont know if i can get through this. its a small issue compounded by many others, totally blown out of proportion but still wholly relevant. we've missed the point yet we've not strayed off the path. i've got so much to say i dont know where to start. its amazing how oblivious you can be to everything. its amazing how fucking shallow you are sometimes. you know, if i didnt care, i think everything would be so much simpler. i think i dont care, i hope i dont, i dont want to cos im starting to believe you were never worth it.

12:03 AM;

i have a headache. its fucking with my mind.
im upset and im damn tired. i have school in a few hours so 3 cheers to daphne.
i just ate cereal. cos im hungry.
today i came to a conclusion. i shouldnt live in my own little ideal world. i think i should take up a more cynical view of the world. stop seeing people for what i perceive them to be but really look beyond the surface. i should be more like a certain someone.
theres no such thing is looking beyond the surface. mums always told me that but i didnt believe her. but today i think my perception has changed. everything is about impressions. i should be another one of those girls. see things in real terms and stop believe in bullcrap like 'its all about personality'. cos it isnt.
personality counts for nothing. and if someone tells you that. i suggest you ask yourself why.

2:09 AM;

ohmygod. its been one week and ive barely made any significant progress. seriously just kill me now. i have a feeling next week is gonna be worse. so much for a study holiday. i really got to get up early int he morning to study. i dont think 4 hrs of study is gonna get me anywhere near a pass for cts.
anyways, i maanged to catch shrek3 last night! it was pretty darn good. (:
go watch! gingerbread man is CUTE. i wanna slap him so bad. hahahahaha i wanted to watch zodiac/blades of glory too but there was NO TIMING. everywhere is still playing and replaying pirates. oh well.
it was quite cool to meet up with weiqi and sam for dinner on fri. and guess what. weiqi asked me over on monday night. hehe (: yeah im in a good mood today ((:

6:36 PM;

kill me now. i slept till NOOON. gosh, such a pig.
i got up at 7, went back to sleep, one more time at 10, went back to sleep. i swear, i need an alarm clock that pulls me out of bed. from 7-12, i even woke up a few times to reply my messages. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. :(
in happier news. (: im meeting weiqi tonight. dinner and some weiqi therapy. yay i miss her already (:

12:39 PM;

i'd ask you not to do this but it'd be asking the impossible. sometimes i don't see why i should play second fiddle to it, i never made you second to anything. its like october all over again.

1:08 AM;

myjackfodisco
07s07a
06s23
daaaa
KEVIN
SALE
dania
ying
cheryl
wangting
linus
phang
jade
sharlene