sometimes it really scares me. the trade off is scary. the whole idea of it is scary. i dont think i can match up yet i think im every bit worth the effort. self belief is good. self belief is deceptive. self belief will get you through. dont think so much and maybe youll remain deluded. live in your little bubble until it pops then you can be re-introduced to the very very grim reality. for now, you can believe that everythings blue and green. with little red mushroom houses of sorts. consciousness of the grey is not good. delusion is good. i wish youd stay that way.
as for you, im really done. you're just not worth it anymore

11:27 PM;

i cant stand days at home.
arghhh

7:27 PM;

caught vacancy yesterday.
aaron weiqi baby and me. haha im sucha wuss

happy 18th babe!
hope you liked your present!

11:45 AM;

loser me: i cant swallow pills :(

guess i have no hope as a drug addict haha.
and heres to a very very long night ahead

10:43 PM;

contrary to what many people feel, i thought harry potter was really good.
maybe its cos i barely rmbr what the book was about. the movie really wasnt bad. better than the rest i think.
and yes, umbridge does resemble a certain someone i know. hallmark of a good education hee.. (:

12:27 AM;

i have a cold and i can feel it coming down on me. tomorrow tomorrow. tomorrow itll be fine. sleep on it. dont bother about seeing her tomorrow. tomorrow, i'll do it, i promise. no more procrastination. i'll start. too hell with the phones and the internet and everything else. i'd probably not last past the first day. gatsby, ftas, the thick green book, mint magazines and the most feared one of them all awaits. i'd kill myself that face them head on. wait, maybe not. i'd kill someone else before i face the 5th amendment. i'm losing my appetite and i constantly. i mean, yeah ive been dying to lose my appetite. but no, not when its not consistent. cos therell be no effects. mums looking good. ohmygod. kill me now. my mum looks better than me. yes she does. and she doesnt have to give it up. more of an addition of sth i cant afford. ive tried it. didnt work. the opportunity cost is too high. i think wilson would come after me with a gun and gun me down. then i'd be like that picture i have. shes lying face down in the water. you know i heard that picture sold for quite it bit. theres a name for it. i dont know what. well. if i dont survive the attack then id end up like that. but i highly doubt it so what the hell. tomorrow has come. its midnight. argh. 8 more hours. and ill see her. if im lucky. otherwise. 7hr 45min. i dont want the week to come. ive never been this involved. its so..tiring. sigh. did i mention i did quite a bit of painting this week. im pretty proud of myself. i've got an idea

okay i dont feel like ranting. econs calls.

11:48 PM;

i bought a cd ytd. i dont know why i bought it. i heard it playing in the shop, decided i liked her voice and bought it. its my first cd in a very long time and i dont regret it. i still love her voice.
emi fujita (no its not j-pop or any jap genre)
i guess i like it cos her voice has a sedating? no wrong word. soothing effect. well (:
its quite a good album, even though a lot of things are very price elastic to me now (even food, im going to bring packed food next week). i think i still wouldve bought this album.
i dont like her jap accent in some of the songs though.
i'd give the voice an 8.5/10. really good (:

6:18 PM;

I can swear I saw you cry
I always knew you'd wind up falling harder
Falling harder
Every story has two sides
In the he-said-she-said fight
Always knew you'd wind up falling
Falling harder
old die hard

9:30 PM;

spent the day home today. my body is acting very weirdly, i get periodic fevers. starts ard 5, ends ard 7 ish when i take the fever med. ytd mummy made me take a blood test to check for dengue. no i do not have dengue.
when everything spirals, like nothing else can go right. when everything falls apart, one by one. i know i love you. (:
thanks for calling babe!

8:07 PM;

You're just a waste of a song. You're a simple regret.
I thought I knew who you were, but watch how fast I forget.
You wore your prettiest dress, but there's a mess in your head.
They say old habits die hard. I say they're better off dead,
cause you were bitter and cold, but still you burned me alive.
You held the match to my skin and poured the fuel on the fire.
You're not my favorite mistake. You're just a simple regret.
I thought I knew who you were, but watch how fast and watch how well I forget.

7:43 PM;

its 1230, im still awake doing WORK.
WHY?
cos i have fucking learning journey tomorrow. means i got to stay up to rush work so i can be bitten by mosquitoes tomorrow. great.
argh i dont want to go. im not even interested. and its in CHANGI.

12:31 AM;

i cant believe we made it through (:

6:59 PM;

ive completed season 4 of the l word. love that show. too bad each season has only 12 episodes? or so. anyways, that show was totally worth the hours spent staring at the computer screen (its on my com, didnt get the dvd this time) so yay. haha
i'm actually kind of sad shane's changed haha kind of liked the old shane.
cunt fuck, fuck you.
argh. FUCK.
this week was supposed to be perfect. it was, till the weekend came. fuck you.

3:17 PM;

met the burps!
(we're gonna get a shirt soon!) -excitement- haha
everyone was present today. GOOD FOR US. toy was late. made dee and i late too. long story. ANYWAYS, i missed them quite a lot. we cam whored. damn training tog again is actually quite tempting. oh well.

toy was ONE HOUR late so dee and i camwhored till she came. argh.
stupid girl haha (: i still love you loads though!

flowers were for the birthday girl. FROM ME AND CLARE. (:




THE REAL THING.
















i was the cherry dumpster

happy birthday you!

12:02 AM;

since thursday, i havent really had the time to slow down and catch a breather. yeah i had my fun over the weekend. today was probably the first day ive had time to wind down; took a swim, tanned and fell asleep by the pool. damn good. (:
did loads of shopping ,advanced half my allowance but still got the full thing a few days back but im still broke. i think i gotta change my look. im getting really bored of empire cuts, 3/4s, heels and what not. its such an overused look. everytime i go out its either one or the other. my outfits are getting so predictable im irritated. doesnt help that i think i look like a pregnant shit everytime.
it was so unexpected. i didnt mean to act like that. sorry babe. like she said, 'abstain abstain'. i think that would be a very good idea from now on haha i didnt think id get so er angsty? (quote you)

6:00 PM;

myjackfodisco
07s07a
06s23
daaaa
KEVIN
SALE
dania
ying
cheryl
wangting
linus
phang
jade
sharlene